Letters To A Certain No One #7

Dear Certain No One,

Three years is both a very long time and a tiny portion of history.

Maybe I'm being a little bit dramatic about this, but I have mixed feelings about how close you've suddenly gotten physically.

Maybe I'm excited about how we live under the same snow-prone sky and in such close proximity, while at the same time, you could be everywhere I am nowhere.

Maybe I'm scared that you'll grow to hate what I've become after all this time. Or worse, you couldn't care less about my existence.

Maybe, just maybe.

But I really want to see you again.

And if I am to put my mind at ease, I'll HAVE to see you again.

Sincerely,

A Certain Other No One

Letters To A Certain No One #6

Dear Certain No One,

Apart from those few fleeting moments in middle school of what could be considered "kindness," you've been nothing but a completely cold jackass to me.

First of all, the one class we had together in sophomore year was a hellhole because of you. Now, you acknowledge me in much the same way you would acknowledge still air. It's like I'm dead to you.

Not that I'm complaining, because guess what? I don't care, for you've long been dead in my eyes.

Sincerely,

A Certain Other No One

Letters To A Certain No One #5

Dear Certain No One,

I have steeled myself against crying in public to the point that I cannot shed tears unless I'm by myself. And even then I struggle to choke them back and force them to evaporate, rather than stain my cheeks and sting my eyes.

I'm not blaming you specifically, because the whole world shares the blame.

Sincerely,

A Certain Other No One

Letters To A Certain No One #4

Dear Certain No One,

I'm all for expressing yourself, but you take it beyond what you should. You're too obnoxious, too in-your-face. Independence does not equal alienation and antagonization of the people around you.

Sincerely,

A Certain Other No One

Letters To A Certain No One #3

Dear Certain No One,

Don't give me that "it'll be fine" bullshit line. I know for a fact that it will either turn out okay or I'll get used to it, and I know that it'll happen in the future. Right now, however, the least you could do is let me trust you enough to be a shoulder to cry on, and not an alarm blaring "shut up and stop being a little bitch about it" at me.

They say that chivalry is dead, and guess what? You're just another nail in its coffin and another shovelful of dirt in its grave.

Sincerely

A Certain Other No One

Letters To A Certain No One #2

Dear Certain No One,

Maybe, just maybe, I'm too used to noticing people becoming annoyed by me.

It's the way their eyes slowly drift off, focus elsewhere, or the hollow enthusiasm, or lack thereof, in a person's voice, usually accompanied by concise, one-word answers. It's the way they prop their chin on their palm, with no emotion of any kind etched onto their face.

Maybe I just don't interest them enough as a person, or maybe I'm just too overbearing to be sociable with.

Please, do accept my apology, but do you really deserve it? Do you know how hard it is for me, in situations of social interaction, to be engaged and active, because if there's one thing I hate, it's being the "quiet" one among a group of otherwise acquainted strangers. Never mind among people whose existence I am aware of and my existence theirs, but don't exactly talk or interact often, in which case it's worse. What's even worse than that is that I feel I miss out. I miss out on making friends. I miss out on strengthening my existing friendships. I miss out on all of the great and wonderful things I could be doing, all because I am now afraid.

And really, I have you to thank for that, so thank you.

Sincerely,

A Certain Other No One

Letters To A Certain No One #1

Dear Certain No One,

Lately I find myself in that grey area in between happy and sad. As if I contain a mixture of both, but at the same time, completely devoid of either.

But maybe it's just a telltale sign of exhaustion.

Sincerely,

A Certain Other No One